The Roommate Issue

Before sexiling actually happens, it might be ideal to discuss whether or not it is even appropriate to ask. If it isn’t appropriate to ask, but you know that you will need to sexile them, anyway, make sure they understand that sometimes they should offer if they know they won’t be in the room anyway.

Please, please make sure your roommate will not accidentally storm in on you. You don’t have to let your roommate know exactly what you are doing, but in order to prevent a roommate war, know when it is fair to lock your roommate out and when it isn’t, and have a way to let them know when it is not a good idea to walk in, and vice versa.

As in, make sure their parents are not going to show up for a surprise visit, or that they are going to bring a study group back from class. Be creative about it if you need to be, but be fair. They shouldn’t have to sleep on the common room couch just because you want to get laid. And you shouldn’t have to, either. I guess, do unto others…don’t walk in after being sexiled and ask which position they used, don’t sit outside and tell everyone who walks by to lean their ear against the door…

If your roommate is uncomfortable with you having sex in the room, try to understand, accept, and respect their personal beliefs. They should, however, likewise respect yours. Make a compromise—if it really does bother them that much, arrange to do it when they are home for the weekend or out in class.  You have a right to some private time as much as they have a right to have access to their room. If they have moral beliefs, try to understand the basis of their moral beliefs—they might just be worried for you; if they are, reassure them, let them know that you are being very responsible and mature about it.

Likewise, if you are facing a moral quandary with your promiscuous roommate, contempt isn’t going to change their ways. Contempt might lead to roomie warfare and more blatant sexiling, if anything. Express your concern and discomfort—they might actually see your view. If not, you can at the very least encourage them to practice safe sex, both physically and emotionally. Sabotaging their efforts will only lead to more conflict.

There is also the roommate who says, “Oh, I don’t mind if you do it while I’m in here.” Um, the two people having sex might mind. Or the roommate might not really mean what he says, and only says it to be nice. Or they might be crazy pervey threesome fantasy filming you, or collecting blackmail, etc.  So um, be firm about the privacy.

Having a roommate is also to your advantage, especially if some scary person has followed you home and seems to want something you aren’t willing to give. Conversely, if the person lying on your bed is just a sibling or friend, best to let your roomie know before he skeedaddles needlessly to wallow in loneliness in the lounge.

Understand that your roommate will have at least some knowledge about your personal sex life, and that this knowledge might spread to gossip—there might be extra incentive if they are awkwardly locked out. Also understand that you will possess knowledge about their sex life, and keeping your mouth shut will probably prevent your toothbrush from being tossed in the toilet when you aren’t looking.

(I know they and the his/her grammar prob is all over this article.  My apologies to the grammatically anal retentive, including myself)