Dear Virgin,

           We all start out virgins.  Then gradually you find that people are slowly starting to do things.  Jenny Parker and David Kim making out in the basketball court and lunch and you’re in middle school and everyone runs over to watch, and then a few years later you’re in college wincing at the questionable faint noises coming from your dorm room, wondering if you should open the door or not.

          “If Jenny Parker and David Kim were going to jump off a cliff, you wouldn’t do it too, would you?” your mother might say.  (Or, I dunno, maybe your mother took you out to buy condoms when you turned sixteen.  I don’t know.)  In any case, virginity and losing it or keeping it is a very personal decision, and here at UCLA we are statistically split down the middle.  Half of us are virgins and half of us are sexually active.

If you are a virgin, you quite possibly could have had sex, but decided not to for some logical reason or another.

I’m serious. 

In a romantic relationship?  You could have had sex.  Single?  There are people who will willingly do it with you for money.  You made a personal choice.

·   If you abstain, your odds of fetching an STI or unwanted pregnancy are a lot lower. 

·   Taking a relationship slow can actually help strengthen the relationship by testing commitment and respect.

·   For some people, ‘saving yourself’ for your true love can make an eventual life relationship more valuable.

There many ways to express affection, and although sex is one of them there are others just as equally effective. Just because you haven’t had sex does not mean you are ugly, a freak, or undesirable.

It is very possibly because you are picky.

Which is a very good thing.

         You haven’t found the right time yet.   Play it smart and stick up for yourself.

         Meaning, if you are one of those folks who are like, "ZOMG THE WORLD HATES ME I'M A VIRGIN" or um, Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me! Stop it.  Because you are only lowering your chances.  Change your outlook.  kthxbye.

 HOWEVER:  Many people say that abstinence is 100% effective against preventing pregnancy and STIs, but this is not true.  Even if there is no actual sexual intercourse, some activities, such as anal sex or heavy petting, can accidentally introduce sperm into the vagina.  Likewise, just because it doesn’t go inside doesn’t mean it can’t expose you to STI’s.  Even if you are not having oral sex, anal sex, or PIV intercourse, you can still contract STIs.  As in, just because you are abstinent does not mean you don’t need to be educated about safe sex.  Also, even if a person is completely abstinent, they should not completely ignore their sexual health:  that is, men and women over the age of 18 should perform self examinations for testicular and breast cancer, respectively.  Women over 18 should also have an annual pelvic exam done.

 What is virginity?

             Most people want to know what virginity means.  How dirty do you have to get before you can’t hold a v-card? 

The definition is ever changing.  For example, is a homosexual man who regularly has oral and anal sex but has never had sexual intercourse with a woman still technically a virgin?  Is a girl who has done every sexual act in the book but sexual intercourse any more of a virgin than a guy who has never been kissed but jerks off to porn every night while his roommate studies in the lounge?

Besides, there is no true way to tell if someone is a virgin or not.  The fabled hymen test is no longer valid in modern American society, where girls ride bikes and do gymnastics, all activities that might result in a broken hymen.  (This is consequently why some cultures try to forbid excessive physical exercise for women—to prevent the breaking of the hymen.)   Some women are born without a hymen, and any woman who menstruates has a hole in her hymen for blood to pass through.  Also, after a woman turns 18, many physicians recommend annual pap smears.  In order to access the cervix, the speculum that is inserted in the vagina can tear the hymen.   Therefore, in modern society possession of a hymen is not indicative of a woman’s chastity.  And obsolete physical definitions of virginity aside, someone can always lie about their virginity.

While you can be relatively unsure of your virginity, you can be pretty sure as to whether or not you have had sex.  Unless you were, um, plastered at the time.  Or um, if you had a incompetent partner.  Hee.